My favorite holiday is just around the corner so LET’S DO THIS.
So you want to show your fun side this year, but don’t find “sexy ___” outfits to be appropriate, fun, or practical in late fall weather? I’m with ya, sister. That’s why I’d recommend dressing up as MARTHA FUCKING WASHINGTON. You roll up to a party in this and everyone’s all like “Who is that chick supposed to be? Marie Antoinette? Betsy Ross? Any other more famous 18th century female figure?” And that’s when you get to drop a bomb and be all “NO, IDIOTS I’M MARTHA WASHINGTON. WIFE OF GEORGE! DUH! YOU KNOW? You guys? Hey, you guys? Where’d you go?”
Also it costs $100. Worth it.
Maybe you want to go kind of sexy after all. You’re an adult. You work out. You ought to be able to enjoy it one night a year, right? Totally! So in that case I’d recommend this costume. It’s low cut enough to be all “Boobs!” without being all “WOAH! BOOBS!”
The best part about this costume is the fact that it is pretty authentic but for the added tutu, which suggests to onlookers that you are not MERELY a professional horseback rider. You have a wild side. An edge. You’re definitely down for some dominatrix work, and it’s inferrable that you might be open to some light beastiality.
Buy this costume and be all of these things.
"Graduate with honors and perhaps a husband" says this website.
The PH Darling is a notoriously hard degree to earn. It involves buying all matching bra and underwear sets, a few surgeries, and a lot of practice in the art of the adorable sneeze. You also have to learn to really truly enjoy The Bachelor. If you’ve managed to master all of that, why not celebrate this Halloween?
And who needs pants anyway, right? It’s plenty warm at the end of October, and it’s not like you’ll be out in public or anything.
This is a great costume to wear to a party if you like hearing the same dirty pickup line repeated at you over and over again by increasingly creepy dudes.
However, that’s not nearly as bad as the thought that somewhere, some snarky Halloween costume designer saw a request for a “Sexy Cabbie Adult Plus Size Costume” and was all like “Plus size? Psh, she might as well be the WHOLE CAB. Amirite??” So that’s what he did. Because he’s an asshole.
Mermaids are apparently just cocktail waitresses with scale patterns on their dresses.
I love the Turtles! I grew up on them! I would love to go as one for Halloween this year! What an homage to my youth that would be! The only thing is, though, I don’t really want to go to a party dressed up like a mutant, or a turtle. And an eye mask is about as far as I want to take the whole “ninja” thing. Sigh… if only I could find a costume that incorporated nothing about ninjas or turtles or mutants into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume so boys will know I’m cool but not think I’m too weird…
OH! PERFECT! YAY!