I realize not all of you were born into families that were cultured or benevolent enough to bestow on you the knowledge of basic etiquette. And I know, very often, what’s easiest for us seems like it should be what is right. But I’m writing today to let you know there seems to be a hefty percentage of our society who fail in the face of even the most basic expectation of human decency. These, ladies and gentlemen, are the People Who Talk On Cell Phones At The Gym. Yes, it may seem shocking. It appears these people are so important, that for even an hour or two a day they cannot be away from their mobile devices. They talk on them in the locker room, and even mid-workout. Yes, though it is virtually impossible to gain real benefit from a workout so leisurely it doesn’t interrupt a cell phone call, there are people in this world who are so important they apparently have no choice. Yes, though they are surrounded by sweaty nudes, patrons of the women’s, and presumably men’s, locker rooms will leisurely text whilst leaning up against the lockers of strangers. These people must be stopped. Something must be done. It appears the prominent no-cell phone signs have been rendered useless. Please, citizens, I implore you. I do not care about your boyfriend, or what you did last night, and the last thing I want to listen to is you actually describing your workout to your friend over the phone. This is annoying. We are here to exercise, and if your social life is so demanding that you simply cannot disconnect for even a 45 minute run on a treadmill, perhaps you should take up outdoor jogging and save yourself the monthly $90 membership.